HAVING MORE THAN ONE FACE

I had a bad day at work today. Someone whom I thought has changed has slipped back to their old self of being someone with more than one face. Of course, there would be others who would say that this person did not change at all but was merely putting on a mask very successfully. Well, either way, I was really hurt. I've always been one who believes in being honest. We can all always agree to disagree. Why would someone find it better and easier to put on a different face with different people just to keep them happy? Why in the world would this person ever think that being a hypocrite is more peaceful? Well, in my opinion, you are disrespecting the people who honour you by being honest to you.

I was brought up on the moral value of honesty being the best policy and we will bring up our children on that too (well, most of us will). But in the cut throat world of the "working people", you see ever so often, people with the worst work ethic always coming out on top. And then, when you have a mother like me, whom after 12 years of working life is always a loser because of holding on to my so-called "principles", am I setting up my children for heartache by bringing them up on my set of values? I already see that TM is going to be another me. She is exactly like me; there is only black or white. No grey.

As I always tell my best friend LP, I am such a flawed character. Even if my life depended on it, I cannot bring myself to lie or even be misleading. That is how god made me. It has got me into trouble most of my life and it will plague me until my last breath.

Make no mistake, I would rather my children NOT be like me. I would want them to have the foundation of knowing that honesty is the best policy but I would rather that they have the gift of knowing how to be politically astute (without being a hypocrite) in order to save themselves from sharing the fate of their mother.

And its not as though I'm so righteous. I'm just flawed. I see so many of my good friends who are NOT hypocrites AND are able to be honest without being "brutally honest". I should strive to be more like the people I admire.

Goodbye bad day! I'm having a bright and cheery Thursday!

p/s My superhero arrived safely in sabah about an hour ago. Apparently, she managed to negotiate "permission" from the Air Asia stewardess into allowing her to consume her doughnut which was not purchased on board. And then, she told her auntie and uncle very loudly, "The auntie said I can eat my doughnut. Why did you ask me to hide it until the auntie went away?"??!!

SUPERHERO

Our home has been pretty quiet for the past 2 days. TM, our resident superhero is away on holiday with my brother and his family. From the time she was born, she has been nothing short of SUPER! Let me share some general information on her. She is our second child and first daughter. My first baby was born by emergency c-section after 18 hours in labour as he was in distress. So, when the time came for my second child to be born, I wanted a natural birth (of course with the epidural). After 20 hours of full labour, my waterbag finally burst and I was put on the epidural. By the time 24 hours passed, my cervix was tightly shut eventhough my little superhero was firmly in place. There was no way she was getting out THAT way so my doctor did an immediate c-section. Throughout her difficult journey on the "road" to nowhere, the nurses informed me that her heartbeat was as strong as a horse (incidentally she was born in the year of the horse). Now, when she did finally emerge, I was under GA which means I didn't get to see her until almost 2 hours later when I was wheeled b ack into my room. My husband, meanwhile who was anxiously awaiting the birth of his little princess (we already knew) was told to wait "here and there" because the hospital's new wing had just started operations and there were not sure about where the father should wait. So finally, he was told to wait in the room which I had been booked into. Almost 1 hour passed and still no sign of our new baby. He was of course anxious and a little miffed but the joy of welcoming a new bundle of joy kept him on track. The aim was to find his baby! Finally, another nurse came in and "admonished" him for waiting in the room while his newborn was alreay in the nursery. He rushed to the nursery to find our little princess with "cat eyes". If not for the fact that she looked so much like her brother as a baby, we would not be too sure if she was ours. Anyway, hubby found her crying loudly and her face red and all wrinkled up (not from the water in the womb but from her fiery temper).

In the next few minutes, I was being wheeled into my room. My first question was whether the baby was alright and whether she looked like her Koko (term for brother in my mother's mother tongue. My wonderful hubby said she looks beautiful and she seems really healthy from her cry! Things that make her super (in a good and bad way):

1) She only wanted her mother (me) for the first 8 months of her life for every important event in her life (sleeping, drinking, bathing. Miraculously, she was alright when she was with the caregivers during office hours!
2) I learned the art of folding clothes, cooking, peeling, dishing out food, making milk etc with her in one hand. I even developed "tennis elbow" because of her and I actually told the doctor that I don't play tennis. He was tickled to say the least!
3) If her father put her to sleep, she would cry loudly for at least 30 minutes before falling asleep refusing milk and would wake up with a vengence. She would just continue where she left off!
4) We were supposed to be able to gauge exactly when she wanted her milk before she "asked" for it or we would be "punished". She would refuse milk if it was late (by a few seconds) or milk not at the right temperature. She wanted it just right. Repurcussions would be the same, she would go to sleep crying and wake up crying! Today, she is still a milk guzzler and is able to finish 250ml of milk(in a bottle, of course) in less than 3 minutes and is not afraid to sleep on her own.
5) Putting her to sleep meant, standing up and swaying her gently from side to side for at least 30 minutes and only her mother (me again) could put her to sleep peacefully. The minute I sat down, she would scream and I would have to get back on my feet! But the great thing was, she would sleep early (by 8pm) and would only wake up at 6am the next morning. No feeds in-between. Till today, she looks like an angel when asleep!
6) At 4 weeks, she managed to roll over on my bed where we had left her at the centre of th bed "knowing" that babies only roll over at almost 2 months! The beginning of her superhero days.
7) She was crawling at 4 months and walked at 8 months!
8) By the time she was 12 months, she was only running.
9) She spent the next 2 years of her life (age 1 to 3) in a stroller everywhere except for confined areas which we knew she could not get out of. It had to be full-proof because she could climb out of anything! Poor thing, everytime, we let her go "free" without stroller or a hand leash (yup, we got lots of stares and reprimands from "well-meaning" people who couldn't look beyond the leash and why we needed it!)
10) The entire household could be sick and she would be OK :-)
11) Even if she had a fever of 40 degrees, she would still be running around and the only thing that would give her away would be rosy cheeks!
12) She was not afraid to pick up insects as "instructed" by her older sibling (who is a scared of his own shadow. Her bravado amazes and frightens us!

Finally, why is she my ultimate superhero? She was the one who put in her entire arm into the gutter(in my bathroom) to pick up my very precious SKII cleanser (travel size) which had fallen into the gutter when the bathroom was washed.

What am I missing about her? Her beautiful smile which can charm the pants off even the grumpiest, the twinkle in her eyes when she smiles, her off-beat and sometimes very embarassing one-liners which are so honest but so not politically correct, her non-stop chatter about everything in her life good and bad, her iritating "Mama, can I tell you something" which drives me up the wall because she doesn't care what I'm doing, how tired I am and how nasty a reply I give her to get her off my back, she wants to tell me something come what may!

Of course, I don't miss her fiery temper, the way she rolls her eyes whenever she gets iritated with us (?!), her Disney channel accent which is so fake it drives me crazy sometimes, the way she speaks under her breath just loud enough for one to hear when she's not happy about something and I really don't miss her imaginary friend, Melissa who spends half her life in our home and follows us all over Malaysia whenever we travel. As much as I don't miss all that, my heart aches for my superhero to be right here infront of me just being herself. We love and cherish her for who she is. Period. Nothing else matters.

Oh, by the way, TM is five years old. The only reason she is on holiday without us is because our extended famiy is very small and therefore extremely close-knit. She has always been very close to her uncle and family especially her cousin SD who is 4 years old. They've been best friends since forever!

Her famous last words just before she left on Saturday, "I'll miss all of you but I want to go. Don't worry-lah, I'll be back in 14 days".

MAKEOVER PART 1

Thanks to my "wonderful" newly acquired blogging skills, I managed to lose my last post! I can't remember exactly what I wrote; suffice to say it was a boring rambling of my Sunday. Its been 2 hours since I started the makeover of my blog. Trying to make it more "homey" with photos of my beloved family (hubby and 3 kids). Thanks to the wonderful people at blogger who've made this whole experience so easy, I managed to do that without crashing my computer or anything else. The layout, I'm still not too happy about because there seems to be lots of space on the right. Have been trying to fix that but to no avail! I'll continue working on it until I get it right for me! Meanwhile, I'm having trouble expressing myself while blogging. I really don't know what it is but I just don't seem to be my normal "tell it like it is" self. Still trying to get a hang of things and I really hope I continue to blog because its really something I want to do. I really dislike Sunday evenings because its the end of the weekend. April was a month of change so I'm looking forward to May for better things. Yup, always the optimist! Happy Monday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Well, the fact that I'm able to write and post my first entry PROVES that its idiot proof! I haven't sorted my blog just yet but I really wanted to write a post today. Its going to take me a while to get the hang of blogging. Took me ages to finally sum up the courage to blog; I salute all the Malaysian bloggers whose blogs I've been savouring. You inspired me to blog. Thank you. I really don't know how this experience is going to be, I'll just play it by ear and grow with the blog. I started on the blog when it was still May 5th, it was an especially special day as I turned 37; which explains the courage for "Carpe Diem". My wish as I enter another new year in my life is good health and happiness for me and my loved ones. Yes, life is that simple; when you have peace in your heart, love in your eyes, happiness in your belly and good health all over - you are blessed. I have been having a spat of bad health and so I'm really looking forward to a year of "wellness.